The more I sit with it and try to come to terms with being diagnosed with endometriosis I'm starting to accept it. My consultant is really lovely and I'm relieved she found out what is causing these problems. I mean before the diagnosis the doctors were telling me the pain was normal, it would get better once I'd had a baby, that I had IBS and fobbed me off with its just your age. It's took so long to be diagnosed. At first when I found out words cannot express the feelings it brought. It lead me to me going into a very low mood and contacting Samaritans in an absolute state. Thanks to Samaritans I got through that tough night. I didn't want to fight the low feeling but I knew I had to. I couldn't let endo beat me and make me miserable. I had to get help because it was for the best.
Only a few friends know about the diagnosis. A reassured me he would always be there for me which is so kind and he's been an absolute rock when it comes to needing to talk or if I'm having a flare up he tries to understand how and what I'm experiencing. I spoke to staff nurse M about it on Facebook when we were having a catch up and she was so understanding and even asked me on nightshift when we were alone in the duty room how I was doing etc, M is amazing I trust her so much I've only known her since November but she's so caring and I love working with her.
Living with flare ups is difficult. It affects day to day life and can disrupt plans if at work or planning outings. When the flare ups occur it means painkillers become my best friend during this time. The painkillers have side effects too as they cause a lot of drowsiness which can be a problem. The ones I'm on make me feel weak and drowsy and sometimes after I take them I have to go for a sleep until the drowsiness wears off. The pain can differ it can be quite a painful crampy pain but sometimes it can feel sharp and unbearable. It's not just pain that comes with it but exhaustion as well. It's hard because you may seem fine on the outside but on the inside you are screaming and in agony.
I know there's no cure for endometriosis and the one thing I'm going to have to learn to do along with my GP and consultant is learn to live with it and manage the symptoms. I'm praying that the medication treatment options work so I don't have to go down the surgical route because the risk is high and I don't want it to affect my chances of having a family. I've been reassured that despite having endo becoming pregnant can still be possible. It's not something that makes me anxious but it's thinking that there's that possibility that if I was unable to conceive I wouldn't be able to hold that precious bundle which I can call mines in my arms. But I will keep hoping that some day that dream of having children comes true.
I don't feel there's a lot of support out there for endometriosis sufferers. You're just diagnosed then encouraged to read up about the condition and that's it. The emotional side of it isn't recognized and no signposts of where to go for support are there. I was informed on email that Endometriosis UK ran support groups so I filled in an enquiry form to get details of when the next support meeting is. I want to go along and talk to other women who are experiencing the same thing and get support but I'm scared as I've never spoke about an experience of this type in a group setting.
Even though there's no cure I will not give up hope. Everyday is a battle but I will keep fighting.
