"Sometimes you need to do what's best for YOU"

The last time I wrote I was coming to a decision regarding treatment options to manage this illness. It's been a really difficult decision to make as there's been so many different things on my mind related to fertility, impact this illness is having and other people's views/concerns. But also looking at the fact that the consultant has said that the surgical route isn't necessary at the moment and it's more looking at what we can do in the short term. It's all complicated but I decided that I can't go on how I am at the moment. Its when you don't think it would get to that point where your just so desperate that you'll try anything. I guess it's looking at the "my body, my decisions," and realising that your the one in control and only you can decide what's best as nobody can make the decision for you.

I decided that I'd go through with the induced medical menopause and get the decapeptyl injection. I had second thoughts when in the waiting room I must admit. The question of "Am I really doing the right thing?" kept going through my mind. The injection itself was fine and the HRT alongside it isn't too bad at the moment. The only troublesome issues really have been the bloating, nausea and headaches. I've been finding myself having to go for naps but it's helping with the headaches. My stomach is quite sore and feels tight so maternity clothing has been a MUST this week as it's been the comfiest thing to wear. The issue I've found is that there's limited information out there about GnrH treatments it's more about personal opinion and doing what's best for you. There's not really much information that's suited to the patient but a chat with your GP or consultant can be useful. There's also in some areas that has accredited endometriosis centres the specialist nurses who can offer advice. The injection I get is every 28 days it can be given by the practice nurse and as well as that I'm taking a drug called Tibolone which is HRT and that just relieves menopausal symptoms and protects the bones as there's the risk of osteoporosis. 

https://themighty.com/2017/01/endometriosis-belly-stomach-maternity-clothes/

The above article really explains it so much. I am sure that many sufferers feel the exact same way about their body when going through "endo belly" but body image is affected as its about the need to hide the negative sides of the illness and it makes you more self conscious of how you look. I suppose the good thing as well is I can hide a heat pad under my clothing and nobody can see it. You know when your a chronic pain sufferer when you have four boxes of thermacare heat pads so your well prepared if a pain flare happens. 

People say it gets worse before it gets better so it's being prepared for that and giving it time. It's gonna take time to adjust to everything and I need to be patient with my body. I'm not sure how I feel about everything at the moment really it's all still quite uncertain but time is what I need I think. It's hard because people aren't really sure what to say about things currently as they say there isn't really any words of comfort or anything. It's like when supporting others with this illness around the same age or just a bit younger than me I can find the words to reassure/comfort them in a way. It's hard being in a body that just doesn't work properly. I saw urology and they've just been dismissive and the follow up from my hospital admission was pointless as they done another scan the good news is the hydronephrosis has resolved but there is still a stone/cyst showing on the kidney but they are unsure which it is and have decided not to do anything about it and keep an eye on things. I've been telling them about all the issues urology side of things but they won't listen. Endometriosis has caused so many different problems and it's just shit. I didn't think I'd have to go through an induced menopause at the age of 20. I'm on so many different medications and have to sit and sort out my meds into a dosette box for that next again week. This is stealing my life away and I want it back. Someone needs to hurry and find a cure for this dreadful condition.