Dear Endometriosis,
You have caused nothing but problems over the years and now my body is becoming tired of you. The years of doctors telling me the pain I was in was normal. Being told that having a baby would solve all my problems at the age of 16. To then being told I needed psychiatric help and it was all in my head. Those words hurt more than anything. I knew there was something wrong but nobody would listen. They all thought I was mad. I would come out of appointments in tears because of how patrionising the doctors were being. "Your pain is dysfunctional," they would say and send me away yet again to cope with it for three months before reviewing me and in that three months things became worse. They would give me hormone pills to swallow in hope to mask the problem. You must have laughed when you seen this was happening. The minute I swallowed that pill you caused me nothing but distress. The days spent lying in bed thinking of how much I hated everything and that I wasn't trying hard enough. I would just crash and people would tell me to give it another few weeks. The doctors not understanding what was happening and telling me "it's probably just a bad day." I bared you for another month before coming off you and when doctors asked me to talk about what the hormones did they couldn't understand why I reacted that way.
One doctor finally listened to my concerns and after my first surgery when I woke up still groggy as ever I was told that it was you who was causing all these problems over the last 6 years. From that moment I didn't know how much my life would change. I learned that I was a part of the 1 in 10 women who have this condition. The endless trips to the doctors for pain control, antibiotics to help with the bladder symptoms and to sit and tell them just how shit lthis illness is and how it's constant. The procedures I've had to go through just to see what mischief you are getting up to inside my body. You attached yourself to my bowel and the doctors found out the extent after reviewing an MRI scan. They hand me the results by hand and it's a lot to take in. After thinking the first surgery would have solved the issues it didn't. I had to go through a second surgery to remove you and this surgery was much bigger than the first as they had to shave you off my bowel and try there best to remove enough of you to make me somewhat pain free. They had a tough job as you weren't superficial and on the surface but deep endometriosis which was excessive and had to be cut out and other methods used to get rid of you. You've caused so many other issues with my body and other specialists are having to get involved in order to try and manage the problems.
People just don't understand it. They try I guess, we'll give them that. The amount of times trying to explain what Endometriosis is. When explaining about the condition and people assuming it's just "painful periods" but it's more than that. It's an invisible illness and if only we could show you just how hard a battle we have to fight. When people say "have you tried to change your diet? exercise? think positively? take painkillers? have a baby?" It's not that simple as there's no cure. It may help manage the symptoms but that's a temporary measure. Different things work for different people. There isn't enough awareness of endometriosis out there. Sometimes even the medical staff don't get it and the ignorance and dismissal can be so hard to deal with. When your lying on a hospital bed in agony and you inform them you have endometriosis and they become silent and are unsure what to say next. The questions they ask without thinking like "any chance you're pregnant?" despite seeing on the notes you are getting injections which bring on artificial menopause. When you ask a doctor a question about a treatment and the reply you get is "that's way above my pay scale." All medical staff should be informed about endo and be able to provide answers to questions we ask.
I'll be marching in Glasgow with my other Endo Warriors to raise awareness of this horrific illness. There needs to be more support and understanding out there. Endometriosis really is an isolating illness and it's so important to have support around you. The Endo Community is a place where you can get support and find that understanding. It's so easy to talk to someone else who's in the same position and actually be heard. To any women out there who feels alone, has nobody to talk to or is having a shitty time us endo girls are all here for you💛 I know this is difficult and scary but I'll tell you one thing you are so bloody strong. Us women, we need to stick together through this. We will not stop fighting💪🏻
