The right things to say
Please note: There are more but I'm just going to stick to 6 on each section.
The five things I found that has helped me is when people say the following:
1) "I'm here for you if you need me"
Just knowing that someone was there for me made such a difference in my opinion. I knew I had somewhere to turn to when things weren't that great and if I needed to vent I could it felt like a safety net. I didn't have to bottle up my feelings because even though people may not fully understand just listening was what would help. Let the person know that they aren't alone and that they have your full support.
2) "Let me help you"
Just by letting the individual know that you want to help them in any way they want you to is something that is useful. But don't be alarmed if the individual doesn't want you to help they may want to push you away but be understanding because they will approach you when they are ready. At first when my family wanted to help me I refused to allow them to I guess that was because I liked to have control and I'm the type of person who hates to be seen as weak I have often been described as a "very private person." It's only until recently that I have been starting to let my family in a lot more to help in various ways such as being there on the bad days, I managed to find the courage ask someone to attend a GP appointment with me to support me and I've allowed my parents to be involved with my treatment because before I closed them out and for me this has been a huge step.
3)"What kind of thoughts are you having?"
This question is one that can be difficult to answer but can be one that may actually help you understand what the individual is going through or where their thinking is at. I was always scared to share my thoughts because I didn't want people to think they were stupid or invalidate what I was thinking. Another thing is that no matter how uncomfortable it may be to hear someone say things that are so negative just be as compassionate as you can. Remember that asking someone about their thoughts isn't going to make the person worse and let them know that you have listened to what they have just said.
4)"You are important to me"
This is probably something that you need to remind the person a lot because depression can make you feel worthless and unimportant. Feeling worthless is the worst feeling because you just feel like nothing and you feel like you don't deserve love or support.
5)"I'm not going to leave you"
Just by letting someone know that you aren't going to give up on them or abandon them can help them know that they can rely on you. I always feared that people would give up on me and leave me to deal with this alone but I was wrong because the people who matter stuck by me and never left my side. Also you don't abandon those that you love.
6)"You are not alone"
Personally I feel this one needs to be said a lot. Depression is isolating and can cause feelings of loneliness because you start to feel like you're alone in the world and that nobody understands you or what you are going through. By reminding the person that they have people around them (family, friends, professionals etc) it can let them know that people do care and that they are loved.
The wrong things to say
1) "Snap out of it"
This is probably the worst thing to ever say because this can create feelings of guilt because as much as the person tries to get themselves out of depression you just can't. You can't just change how you feel instantly because depression is persistent.
2) "Other people have it worse than you do"
Never tell a depressed person that someone else has it worse than them and to be more grateful just because other people have it worse it doesn't mean that the person's problems will disappear.
3)"You'll feel better tomorrow"
That's not what someone who is struggling really wants to hear. Depression doesn't go away overnight and it can be very pressuring on the person to feel better.
4)"You just have to deal with it"
Never tell someone to deal with it because they're dealing with it every day and it can be a battle. Telling someone to just deal with it makes them feel like they're not good enough or not trying hard enough and it can create feelings of hopelessness.
5)"I know how you feel"
This is the one that frustrates me because only the individual who is experiencing depression knows what it feels like and also others who have experienced it. A better thing to say would be " I can't understand fully how you feel but I'm listening."
6)"You are such bad company smile more"
Never ever tell a person with depression that they're bad company or to smile more. The person cannot help that they are depressed because depression is an illness and not a feeling. The word "depression" is defined wrong by people in society today, when people say something like " aw I'm so depressed today" what they mean is that they're sad but depression is more than sadness it's like being in a black hole. Be compassionate to the person because they're fighting a very tough battle and need all the support they can get.
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