Endometriosis, You are the weakest part of me.

This week has been a challenge. My endometriosis has been in one big flare which hasn't been helpful at all. I must give myself praise because I still managed to attend work despite the pain being bad and having to take painkillers during my shift. I managed to get a doctors appointment and I told her how bad the pain had been and how I'm 100% certain that I have a UTI. I was right and she started me on a weeks course of antibiotics and told me to tell gynaecology when I see them. That's the issue with having endometriosis ALWAYS having a poor immune system. I'm more like body please just bloody work and not make me feel so poorly. I've had the weekend off work🙌🏻 first weekend in three weeks and I've spent it feeling mostly rubbish and sore. Plus I've had to cancel plans to meet the girls for cake and a catch up because of how I'm feeling and that fear of vomiting in pain again.  Pain was sitting at a 4/10 during the day at work it was bearable and I could manage but as soon as I got home from my grandmas my pain score went straight up to an 8. I managed dinner but then an hour later vomitied it back up because of the pain. My stomach has been very bloated and sore the last few days. This has been the worst flare I've had ever since my first surgery which is frustrating and annoying. I've been trying to reach out for support but when I do I get the whole lecture about how I need to "Change my diet and exercise more that'll make me feel better." I could feel myself screaming inside and just wanting to cry because it doesn't improve anything. I've already done a complete change of diet but it has made no difference. I've had some insensitive comments made things like "It's just women's troubles" or "it's life you just get on with it." It's hard enough living with this condition and trying to hold onto working full time as well. I didn't ask to have this condition, I didn't cause it and I can't control it.  Comments like that is what's really making me feel like I need to "hide" away. This illness is the weakest part of me and is making me feel and look so vulnerable. I feel I can only show that side to certain people the rest I just have to put on this face and say like "yeah I can deal with this." It's like I'm having to put my life on hold, I have a conditional offer for uni this year in Dundee but I've emailed and asked if I can meet the conditions then defer it until next year. I really don't want to lose this opportunity all because this illness is getting in the way of everything.

I've been distracting myself so made a video about endometriosis:
https://youtu.be/6z7rBCmxMbI

I've been waiting on my MRI results all this week but not heard anything yet but it might just be because of this MDT meeting arrangement and then feedbacking all this to me. The MRI was okay the radiographer was so kind which made such a difference and she found a vein easily when inserting the cannula to give me an IV medication before it. There's always Thursday at the preop though. I'm so hoping Staff Nurse M is working and she's taking me through the preop again because she was so so nice and actually understood how hard this is. I don't know how different it's going to be because this time it might involve more preparation beforehand as it's a more risky operation this time. I have mixed emotion about the preop because in ways I'm dreading facing it alone but in another way I'm not really that bothered because it gives me more time to actually sit and take things in. I just feel disappointed that it's only been nearly 5 months and I'm looking at more surgery whereas other women are pain free for about a year. The letter I got gave different information from what the consultant did she said I didn't have to stay in hospital but the letter from Dr J says that it'll be a few days in hospital so all this will need to be clarified on Thursday. I know I need to be strong though but I can show my real feelings to those who I know actually do understand.