I was put on a drug called Decapeptyl which puts my body into a false menopause the aim was to shut the ovaries down in the hope that my symptoms would ease. The drug caused unwanted side effects such as hot flushes, headaches, nausea, fluid retention and increased appetite. There was times I was just always hungry and couldn’t stop eating! I gained about 2/3 stone when I was on this drug and what was even more difficult is people would point it out to me. It would be comments like “it’s been ever since you went on that drug that you gained weight” or The “you’ve messed your body up” and comments like this would just make me want to hide. I had to come off the drug due to the fluid retention and I was so glad when I did because the side effects got better. The thing people don’t understand is you would honestly try absolutely anything to get relief from endometriosis symptoms. It is so debilitating and difficult. You find that other sufferers are the ones that understand you the most and in ways it’s comforting because someone knows how you are feeling.
The other issue that comes with Endometriosis is the bloating it is also known as “endo belly” this is uncomfortable and painful and causes abdominal distension. This has been something I struggle with especially at the moment. Some days I can look about five months pregnant due to it. It’s difficult to find clothing that fits so I always seem to go with maternity clothing as I find that’s most comfortable and you can get some lovely maternity tops and dresses. You might be thinking “why buy maternity clothing when your not even pregnant?!” the answer to that is that it’s the only thing that fits and it is stretchy so doesn’t tightly sit around the stomach like what a normal top would. I prefer the maternity range especially during flare ups and at one point I was worried about what people would think if they saw the label said maternity but now it doesn’t bother me as much because being comfortable in what you wear is so important. You do find that you get people acknowledging that you look a wee bit bloated and it does look like a pregnancy bump but I explain that this is part of the condition and there’s nothing I can do about it. The sort of advice I’ve had has been things like “why don’t you exercise, do yoga, eat healthy” you can do all that but still suffer from the endo bloat. No matter what you do it still happens and it’s all down to the inflammation that endometriosis causes.
This was one day when it was starting to flare it was painful and uncomfortable.
I am learning to love my body even though it is incredibly difficult. I find writing this is quite therapeutic as it’s the first time I’ve openly discussed this topic. This condition has caused me to focus on my weight and I have been unhappy at certain points. Endometriosis has meant that I’ve had to try different treatments to keep symptoms under control and it was hard because it didn’t just affect me physically but also emotionally too. This is a situation I’ll hold onto:
I recently had a positive body image day and it made me so happy as I actually felt comfortable in what I was wearing and a few people acknowledged it which was so nice and because I felt good it had a positive impact on my mood.
Learning to love our bodies isn’t a process that happens overnight it takes loads of practice and patience. It’s the acceptance of these obstacles that we are faced with and trying to manage them. I’m going to finish with a quote that resonates with me “treat your body like it belongs to someone you love” Be kind to yourself and keep fighting because you are doing great!
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